The heart is a strange thing. It often feels what I don't want it to feel, and doesn't feel what I wish it would. But I can tell you that each day I surrender my heart to God, He is faithful to lead and direct it, to hold it, to care for it, and to sustain it. And I'm so thankful to Him for that.
Why am I talking about the heart...again? Because when I first got to Thailand, my heart didn't really like Thailand (I'm just trying to be honest here). There was nothing about Thailand that drew me in. The city that I was settled in the first three months didn't appeal to me at all. It was flat, concrete, weird smells, unidentified fruits at the market, unidentified feces on the ground...you get the point. But God was so good- I'm not sure where this idea started, but all of you began to pray that God would give me a love for the people. And the strangest thing happened.
And you know, you hear it talked about, about how God can move a heart, change it...but it came softly...that love for the people. It started with my house cleaner- she wouldn't leave me alone. But, secretly, I didn't want her to leave me alone anyway ;) She would come in every other morning, singing these crazy Thai songs as she cleaned the bathroom, and then with the little English she spoke, introduced me to her family through pictures on her phone. I didn't even know who her mother was, but she made me feel like I had known her for years, like I was family. She was my first interaction with these beautiful people. And little by little, God started acquainting me more with the Thai's.
Everyday I began finding new things that I enjoyed about being with the Thai people. Their silly smiles, their hearty laughs, and don't you know they smell SO good!! I couldn't stop taking it in. I really began to enjoy being with these people. So many times I didn't understand what they were saying, but I understood a laugh, a smile, a hug, a squeeze of the arm. More and more I liked these Thai people.
Side note. Let's take off the rose-colored glasses for a second. Yes, there were things I didn't like- cultural differences, being taken advantage of as a foreigner, and the always looming idea that I could meet a poisonous snake and not survive to tell the tale. But in seriousness, over time the cultural differences became part of life, and for every Thai person who might have taken advantage of me in a sale, there were 10 others loving on me elsewhere. That's our world- whether you're in America, or Russia, or Thailand- you're interacting with humans.
So this like that had made it's way into my heart...I didn't realize it, until I was in Walmart the other day unintentionally looking for a Thai person (trust me, there is probably a population of 3 Thai people in our area), and didn't see a single one, and I wanted to cry. I realized I no longer liked the Thai people...I love them. Since I came back, I have dreamt every night of these beautiful people- students, house cleaners, restaurant owners, youth workers, teachers, shop keepers- people that I met day in and day out in Thailand. They've been tucked away deep inside my heart, in a portion assigned "The Thai People." And I have this feeling that it's permanent. Because unlike other trips I've gone on where in the first week I've been relieved to come home, and everyday I begin to forget the faces, I can't shake these people- everyday I remember them as if I just saw them yesterday. They've already found a home in my heart. And I praise God for giving me this love that I couldn't have ever conjured on my own.
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