Relationships and the Opposite Gender

One of the biggest things I'm learning about here is relationships. Between myself and other women, between myself and men, between myself and other missionaries. It's all just...tough. Navigating boundaries, and letting yourself be vulnerable so God can work in you and through you. Opening yourself up to be more effective for the team, rather than setting up walls and closing down.

I recently had to have a conversation with a guy I'll be working alongside in the near future (we'll call him, Josh). And yes he's single (I know what you're all thinking, so STOP). I think as a single guy out in missions, you feel like a piece of meat being thrown out to dogs, or chicken feed being thrown to a bunch of single, female, rooster-seeking hens. It's a scary world for these single men! So many women to so few men. I think they're aware that you have to be ultra careful when interacting with single women. Who knows: one small question and you could end up engaged. But I definitely understand this carefulness, and applaud the men that seek to protect and honor the single women they interact with. But, sometimes, throughout the previous mission trips I've gone on, this carefulness leads to a less than satisfactory team effort. In fact, I've felt oceans apart from many of the single men that I would have liked to have counted as friends because they worried I might jump them at any second.

So with Josh, I wanted this to be different. I may be working alongside him for up to 3 months, and I didn't want those 3 months to be filled with us avoiding and ignoring each other because we felt too uncomfortable to interact. So I prayed about it, and had some close friends/family back home pray about it as well. And I sought the Lord to provide an opportunity to talk with Josh about this. And God so faithfully provided that opportunity. Just because God provided, doesn't mean I wasn't shaking in my flip flops about it. I was so nervous, and had no idea where to start. I mean, how awkward is a conversation that's started with the words, "So you're a guy, and I'm a girl..." I don't think Josh knew what he was in for, but he handled it well.

I was fully aware before talking with him that he could shut down at any moment, and say, "let's just try to get through the next few months," meaning, I don't really want to make any effort to be friends with you because it's just too uncomfortable and awkward. And honestly, I probably wouldn't have blamed him for it- relationships, specifically girl-guy friendships, are crazy, hard work. But Josh didn't say this at all. It was God's grace. In fact, Josh was relieved, just like me, to know that we laid all our insecurities out on the table beforehand, and both realized what we were getting into. And despite that, we wanted to work on a team as friends, to glorify God and serve Him here in Thailand (communication really is key!). I can't tell you how thankful I felt to the Lord after that conversation. Is it still "awkward" around him? Sure! I'm a girl, and he's a guy, and there's bound to be many awkward moments- especially because we come from the opposite gender, different backgrounds, and different cultures in America. But I'm fighter, and I'm going to keep fighting for this friendship, and trusting and surrendering it daily to the Lord. Because I think this is something Satan has stripped the Body of Christ of, these healthy male-female friendships.

It's interesting, I don't think I ever heard about how to develop good friendships with guys as a teen. It's just not a topic discussed in the Christian community. I think immediately when you turn 14 or 15, the whole topic of dating unravels, and the whole purity, true love waits, and don't-have-sex-period spiel begins. That's great and all, but what about the rest of us that weren't ready to date, that felt left hanging, and wanted to be friends with the guys they played hide-and-seek with in elementary school. It's like all the guys became completely aware that I was a girl, and might be interested in them just because they were a guy.

I wish so badly for the teens of today to know how to protect each other's hearts and honor each other while also being able to remain friends. But the problem is, we don't really know how to protect our own hearts in the first place. If we don't know how to protect our own, then we won't know how to protect others, will we?

I won't give you a sermon on this, but I do request your prayers. Not only is this a problem in the States, but around the world, and in Thailand as well- this "protecting hearts" and "being friends with the opposite gender" type topics. I really think the answer is PRAYER. So, I ask for your prayers in regards to my friendship with Josh, and in regards to modeling a healthy girl-guy friendship to the Thai people. It's a definite issue, but our God is all about relationships because He's a relational God. Our number one relationship starts with Him, and when we ask Him, He is faithful to provide and gracious to supply us with all we need in our relationships with other humans. So please, as you pray, pray for healthy friendships, among the Thais, as well as among the missionaries.

Prayer Requests:
1. For the friendships among university students (I'll be working with these students in a month!)- for healthy girl/guy friendships
2. For my friendship with Josh and other single men I come in contact with- that we would model healthy, girl-guy friendships to the Thai's. I really think this is SO important in any culture.
3. For the youth in our own cultures- that we would educate them in Biblical friendships, and that they would learn to guard their hearts, protect each other's hearts, and honor one another in their friendships.