The Honest Reflections of a Struggling Missionary (Part 1)

Two weeks ago, I caught a ride on a "Songtaew" (a pickup truck type transportation here in Thailand- include picture) and headed to the grocery store. It was only half full inside, but I wanted to hang on the back and just look up at the sky (don't worry Mom, there are bars that hold you in! haha). It was a beautiful day with a gorgeous, robin-egg colored sky and white wispy clouds floating over. As an older Thai woman beckoned me to come in I politely said thank you but pointed up (trying to show her I just wanted to look up and be there). I just needed to take it in and remember it. I needed to be and to do something unroutine and whimsical. I wanted to enjoy that 15 minute ride and thank the Lord for the little things, such as the older Thai woman inside or the wispy clouds over head. And to just breathe...slowly, taking it all in and turning it into praise.

Do you ever feel that way? You just need time to take a breath and just breathe in and out, and soak it all in. Because before you know it the little beautiful moments that make up life pass us by, and I look back and I can't remember. I'm a collector, a collector of all the stress and rush, but I forget to lay that "stress mess" at the feet of Jesus, to release those moments to Him.  And I forget to collect the beauty around me, and the moments with people. I forget to turn those beautiful moments into thankfulness and praise back to God. I remember the stress and the rush, but not the little things, those moments that make living for God and loving others so worthwhile, and breathtakingly satisfying.

So I looked up at the sky, and felt consumed with the craziness of my schedule here, and just wanting a peace to fill me and relief from being a collector of my busyness. Missions and ministry can be overwhelming at times, or most of the time...if you forget Who it all belongs to. If you forget Who you belong to.

So after coming back to my apartment, I sat down and just read the Word. And there it was. Waiting for me, the same thing King David went through in the Old Testament. And I can feel it wrapping itself around me.

"Praise the Lord; praise God our Savior! For each day he carries us in His arms." Wow. All it took was a Psalm (68:19) to remind me who carries me. Who is behind my strength for the day. And who keeps me going when I can not. Praise the Lord :)

I hope and pray this encourages you as well, to take moments to breathe, and just sit and be still before God. And to remember Who it is that carries you. And to be okay with being carried on the days that you don't have the strength, and even on the days that you do.